Finding Meaningful Life Power
Chasing Happiness Can Make People Unhappy: What the Research Says
Growing up, I always thought that the ultimate goal in life was to be happy. Like many people, I believed that success was the key to happiness, so I pursued the perfect job, relationship, and living situation. But despite my efforts, I never felt truly fulfilled. I was left feeling anxious and adrift, wondering why the happiness I was chasing seemed to elude me.
As it turns out, I wasn’t alone. Many of my friends were struggling with the same issues, and I began to wonder if there was something deeper at play. That’s when I decided to pursue a graduate degree in positive psychology, hoping to learn more about what truly makes people happy.
To my surprise, the research showed that chasing happiness can actually make people unhappy. Despite life getting better by nearly every standard imaginable, the suicide rate is on the rise, and more and more people are struggling with feelings of hopelessness and despair.
So, what’s going on? According to the research, it’s not a lack of happiness that’s causing these issues. Instead, it’s a lack of meaning in life. This discovery led me to ask some important questions. Is there more to life than just being happy? What’s the difference between being happy and having meaning in life?
I discovered that happiness is often defined as a state of comfort and ease, feeling good in the moment. In contrast, meaning is much deeper. Psychologist Martin Seligman describes meaning as coming from belonging to and serving something beyond yourself, as well as developing the best within you.
It’s clear that our culture is obsessed with the pursuit of happiness, but I began to see that seeking meaning in life is actually the more fulfilling path. Research even shows that people who have a sense of meaning in their lives are more resilient, do better in school and at work, and may even live longer.
So, how can we each live a more meaningful life? After conducting hundreds of interviews and poring over countless pages of psychology, neuroscience, and philosophy, I discovered that there are four pillars of a meaningful life: belonging, purpose, transcendence, and storytelling.
Each of these pillars can help us create a life of meaning, and each requires deliberate effort and work. In the end, the power of meaning lies in its ability to give us something to hold onto, even when happiness is fleeting.
The Four Pillars of a Meaningful Life: Belonging, Purpose, Transcendence, Storytelling
After years of searching for the key to a fulfilling life, I discovered that there are four pillars of a meaningful life: belonging, purpose, transcendence, and storytelling. Each of these pillars is essential in creating a life that is truly meaningful, and together they can help us find the fulfillment that we are all searching for.
The first pillar is belonging. True belonging comes from being in relationships where you are valued for who you are and where you value others as well. It’s important to note that not all relationships deliver true belonging; some groups and relationships provide a cheap form of belonging based on shared hatred or beliefs, not on love.
To grow true belonging, we must lead with love and treat others as human beings. Simple acts of kindness, like taking the time to talk to a street vendor, can create bonds that lift each of us up. Belonging is the most essential source of meaning for many people and is found in bonds with family and friends.
The second pillar is purpose. Finding purpose is less about finding a job that makes you happy and more about using your strengths to serve others. Whether it’s healing sick people, raising children, or contributing to society through work, purpose gives us something to live for and a “why” that drives us forward.
The third pillar is transcendence. These are rare moments when you are lifted above the mundane hustle and bustle of daily life and feel connected to something higher than yourself. Transcendent experiences can take many forms, such as seeing art or meditating, and can lead to changes in behavior and increased generosity.
Finally, the fourth pillar is storytelling. Creating a narrative from the events of your life can bring clarity and help you understand how you became the person you are today. You have the power to edit, interpret, and retell your story, even while constrained by the facts. People leading meaningful lives tend to tell stories of growth, redemption, and love.
Building a life of meaning takes work and is an ongoing process. It can be painful and take years, but it’s worth it. Hugging the defining experiences of your life can lead to new insights and wisdom, helping you find the good that sustains you.
In conclusion, the four pillars of a meaningful life - belonging, purpose, transcendence, and storytelling - are essential to creating a fulfilling and satisfying life. By intentionally building each of these pillars in our lives, we can find the meaning that we all seek.
Belonging: Why True Belonging Springs from Love
In today’s society, many people struggle with a sense of emptiness and lack of belonging, despite living in a world where we are more connected than ever before. While social media and technology have made it easier to connect with others, true belonging can only be found through love and genuine human connection.
True belonging comes from being in relationships where you are valued for who you are intrinsically, not for what you believe or who you hate. In these relationships, there is a mutual value and appreciation for one another that goes beyond surface-level interactions.
It’s important to note that belonging is not about simply being surrounded by people; it’s about creating bonds and connections with others that are built on love and respect. When we lead with love and treat others as human beings, we create a sense of belonging that lifts us all up.
For example, my friend Jonathan has a daily routine of buying a newspaper from the same street vendor in New York. Instead of just conducting a transaction, they take a moment to slow down, talk, and treat each other with kindness and respect. This simple act of connecting with another person creates a bond that goes beyond the transaction itself.
However, it’s also important to recognize that we all reject people in small ways without realizing it. Whether it’s walking by someone we know without acknowledging them or checking our phone while someone is talking to us, these small acts devalue others and make them feel invisible and unworthy.
True belonging is essential for finding meaning in life and can lead to increased toughness, better performance in school and work, and even longer life. It’s important to intentionally grow belonging through meaningful relationships with others and lead with love in all our interactions.
In conclusion, true belonging springs from love and genuine human connection. By intentionally creating bonds with others based on love and respect, we can find the sense of belonging that we all crave and lead more fulfilling lives.
Purpose: Using Your Strengths to Serve Others
Many of us spend our lives searching for happiness through material possessions or career success. However, true fulfillment and meaning in life come from using our strengths to serve others.
Purpose is less about what you want and more about what you can give. It’s about using your unique talents and abilities to make a positive impact on the world around you. This can come in many forms, from helping those in need to contributing to your community through volunteer work or mentoring.
Of course, for many people, finding purpose happens through work. When we feel like we are contributing and making a difference in our job, we feel needed and valued. However, it’s important to note that issues like disengagement at work, unemployment, and low labor force participation are not just economic problems, but existential ones as well. Without something worthwhile to do, people can often feel lost and purposeless.
It’s important to recognize that everyone’s purpose is unique and personal to them. A hospital custodian may find purpose in healing sick people, while a stay-at-home parent may find purpose in raising their children. The key is using your strengths to serve others in a meaningful way.
One of the benefits of finding purpose is that it gives you something to live for, a “why” that drives you forward. It’s also an opportunity to use your talents and skills in a way that positively impacts the world around you.
In conclusion, finding purpose is essential for living a meaningful life. By using your strengths to serve others in a way that is personal and unique to you, you can find fulfillment and make a positive impact on the world. Whether through work, volunteer work, or mentoring, finding purpose is a crucial component of a fulfilling life.
Transcendence: Experiencing rare moments of connection to a higher reality
Transcendence refers to those rare moments when you feel lifted above the hustle and bustle of daily life and feel a connection to a higher reality. It’s a state where you lose all sense of self, and everything else fades away. Some people experience transcendence through art or music, while others may find it in nature or through meditation or prayer.
One study found that even a brief experience of transcendence, such as looking up at tall trees, can reduce feelings of self-centeredness and increase generosity towards others. It’s a powerful feeling that can change you, and leave a lasting impact.
For me, as a writer, I experience transcendence through writing. Sometimes, I get so in the zone that I lose track of time and place. It’s a moment of pure connection to my work and something greater than myself. It’s a feeling that I try to grow and cherish.
Transcendence is an important pillar of a meaningful life. It allows us to step beyond ourselves and connect to something greater. By doing so, we can find purpose and meaning in life that goes beyond our individual desires and wants.
Storytelling: The Power of Creating a Narrative from the Events of Your Life
The stories we tell ourselves shape our lives, and creating a narrative from the events of our lives can bring clarity and help us understand how we became who we are. We are all authors of our own stories, and we can choose to edit, interpret, and retell our stories to shape our lives in a more positive way.
It’s important to realize that our lives aren’t just a list of events, and we can change the way we’re telling our stories. People who tell stories like “My life was good, now it’s bad” tend to be more anxious and depressed. But by hugging painful memories and weaving them into a new, more positive story, we can find new insights and wisdom that sustain us.
One example of this is the story of Emeka, a young man who was paralyzed playing football. At first, Emeka told himself “My life was great playing football, but now look at me.” But as he reflected on his life, he realized that his injury had made him a better man. He started mentoring kids and discovered that his purpose was serving others. By retelling his story as a redemptive one of growth and love, Emeka changed his life.
Creating a narrative from the events of our lives can also help us understand what we’ve gained and what we’ve lost. This process of reflection takes time and can be painful, but it can also lead to new insights and wisdom that help us find the good that sustains us.
In conclusion, storytelling is one of the four pillars of a meaningful life, along with belonging, purpose, and transcendence. By hugging our stories and retelling them in a more positive light, we can find meaning and purpose in our lives.
Building Cultures of Meaning within Families and Institutions
Creating a culture of meaning is not limited to individuals, but it can also be fostered in families and institutions. According to the speaker, people are hardwired for connection and meaning, so it is essential to create environments that foster these values.
One way to create a culture of meaning is through shared experiences. Families can establish traditions that promote connection and togetherness. For example, a weekly family game night or a yearly vacation can provide opportunities for families to bond and create memories.
Institutions can also create cultures of meaning by aligning their values with their actions. Leaders can communicate a clear sense of purpose and values, and everyone can work towards achieving these goals together. By fostering a sense of community, individuals within an organization can feel like they belong and are part of something larger than themselves.
Another way to build cultures of meaning is by creating opportunities for people to use their strengths and talents in service of others. Institutions can provide opportunities for employees to volunteer or support charitable organizations. Families can encourage their members to get involved in community service or donate to causes they care about.
Ultimately, creating a culture of meaning requires a commitment to values and a willingness to put those values into action. When individuals, families, and institutions align their values with their actions, they can create communities that foster connection, purpose, and fulfillment.
The Power of Meaning: Why It Gives You Something to Hold On To
Meaning is essential to our existence, it gives us a sense of purpose and direction in life. When we have a clear understanding of what our values and goals are, we have something to hold on to in the face of challenges and setbacks.
Research has shown that people who have a strong sense of meaning in life are more resilient, happier and healthier than those who don’t. Having meaning in life can provide a buffer against stress and adversity, and can help us to bounce back from difficult situations.
The search for meaning is a fundamental part of human nature. We are wired to seek out purpose and significance in our lives, and when we find it, we feel a sense of fulfillment and contentment. This is why having a sense of meaning is so important – it gives us a reason to get up in the morning, and helps us to make sense of our experiences.
There are many different ways to find meaning in life, from pursuing a passion or career that aligns with our values, to making a positive impact on the world through volunteer work or other forms of service. Whatever path we choose, the key is to find something that touches with us and gives us a sense of purpose.
In conclusion, the power of meaning cannot be overstated. It is a fundamental aspect of human experience that provides us with a sense of purpose and direction in life. By growing meaning in our lives, we can improve our well-being and toughness, and find greater fulfillment and happiness in everything we do.
Conclusion
As humans, we constantly seek meaning and purpose in our lives. It’s what motivates us to get out of bed every day and pursue our goals. In this blog post, we explored the four pillars of a meaningful life: belonging, purpose, transcendence, and storytelling. We learned that true belonging comes from love and connection, that using our strengths to serve others can give us a sense of purpose, that transcendent experiences can connect us to a higher reality, and that creating a narrative from the events of our lives can help us find meaning and purpose.
Building a culture of meaning within our families and institutions can help us lead more fulfilling lives. It’s important to remember that the pursuit of happiness alone is not enough. We must also strive for meaning and purpose. The power of meaning gives us something to hold on to during difficult times and can ultimately lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying life. So let’s strive to live our lives with meaning and purpose, and in doing so, make the world a better place for ourselves and others.
